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Frank Zappa lyrics
Dental Hygeine Dilemma lyrics
Mark Volman (vocals)
Howard Kaylan (vocals)
Ian Underwood (keyboards, woodwinds)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
George Duke (keyboards, trombone)
Martin Lickert (bass)
Ruth Underwood (orchestra drum set)
Jim Pons (vocals)
Bad Concience:
han min noon toon han toon han
Good Concience:
No, Jeff!
Bad Concience:
han toon ran toon ran toon fran min han toon ran toon nan toon fram
Good Concience:
No no no!
Jeff Simmons:
Man! This stuff is great! It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom. Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission.
Good Concience:
Oh, I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, becoming a technicolor interpositive.
Jeff Simmons:
Hmm? Where'd you buy that incense? It's hip.
Good Concience:
It's the same mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on.
Jeff Simmons:
I thought I recognized it. Mmm, what is that, musk?
Good Concience:
Jeff, I know what's good for you.
Jeff Simmons:
Right. You're heavy.
Good Concience:
Yes Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don't rip off the towels Jeff!
Bad Concience:
Kiss off, you little nitwit.
Jeff Simmons:
Hey man, what's the deal?
Good Concience:
Don't listen to him Jeff, he's no good. He'll make you do bad things!
Jeff Simmons:
You mean, he'll make me sin?
Good Concience:
Yes, Jeff. SIN!
Jeff Simmons:
Wow!
Bad Concience:
Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you. About your soul.
Good Concience:
No, don't listen Jeff.
Bad Concience:
Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music?
Jeff Simmons:
You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group.
Good Concience:
Comedy music.
Bad Concience:
Jeff, your soul!
Jeff Simmons:
In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music. He eats!
Bad Concience:
Jeff!
Jeff Simmons:
I get so tense.
Bad Concience:
Of course you do my boy.
Jeff Simmons:
The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall.
Bad Concience:
That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ.
Jeff Simmons:
And quit the group!
Bad Concience:
You'll make it big!
Jeff Simmons:
That's right.
Bad Concience:
Of course!
Jeff Simmons:
And then I won't be small!
Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest mildew rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions. It's still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It's made for the home! The office! On fruits!
Bad Concience:
This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like Grand Funk, or Black Sabbath.
Good Concience:
No, Jeff. ??:
[?We're coming]
Good Concience:
Peace. Love.
Bad Concience:
Bollocks.
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
What can I say about this elixir?
Mark Volman:
Jeff has gone out there on that stuff!
Bad Concience:
He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis.
Mark Volman:
That was Billy the Mountain, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff _is_ flipping out. Road fatigue! We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie.
Bad Concience:
You have a brilliant career ahead of you my boy. Just get out of this group!
Mark Volman:
Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group. Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension.
Howard Kaylan:
Jeff, Jeff it's me the Phlorescent Leech!
Mark Volman:
Jeff, Jeff it's me, Eddie!
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Wowwww! What can I say about this elixir?
{note: the following three paragraphs are simultaneous and with wildly} {fluctuating pitch. A turntable with a detachable drive is still a useful} {tool! -cgk}
Mark Volman & Howard Kaylan:
Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, [? ? ? ?], and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your [? ? ?], and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your... heh. On your pizza. Put it on your shoes, tie your mic with it, and fill up your tires with it.
Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a tie-die kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a...
Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe you puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. [?] it.
What?
Wowwwwww!
What can I?
Wowwwwww!
What? What can I say about this?
Wowwwwww!
Other Frank Zappa lyrics:
Hungry Freaks, Daddy lyrics
I Ain't Got No Heart lyrics
Who Are The Brain Police? lyrics
Go Cry On Somebody Else's Shoulder lyrics
Motherly Love lyrics
How Could I Be Such A Fool lyrics
Wowie Zowie lyrics
You Didn't Try To Call Me lyrics
Any Way The Wind Blows lyrics
I'm Not Satisfied lyrics
You're Probably Wondering Why I'm Here lyrics
Trouble Every Day lyrics
The Return Of The Son Of Monster Magnet lyrics
Call Any Vegetable lyrics
Cheap Thrills lyrics
How Could I Be Such A Fool (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Deseri lyrics
I'm Not Satisfied (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Jelly Roll Gum Drop lyrics
Anything lyrics
Later That Night lyrics
You Didn't Try To Call Me (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Fountain Of Love lyrics
"No No No" lyrics
Stuff Up The Cracks lyrics
Any Way The Wind Blows (in album Cruising With Ruben & The Jets) lyrics
Lumpy Gravy I lyrics
Very Distraughtening lyrics
White Ugliness lyrics
Just One More Time lyrics
Drums Are Too Noisy lyrics
Kangaroos lyrics
Envelops The Bath Tub lyrics
Who Needs The Peace Corps? lyrics
Concentration Moon lyrics
Mom & Dad lyrics
Bow Tie Daddy lyrics
Absolutely Free lyrics
Flower Punk lyrics
Little House I Used To Live In lyrics
Valarie lyrics
The Voice Of Cheese lyrics
Dog Breath, In The Year Of The Plague lyrics
Louie Louie lyrics
Our Bizarre Relationship lyrics
The Uncle Meat Variations lyrics
Electric Aunt Jemima lyrics
God Bless America lyrics
The Air lyrics
Ian Underwood Whips It Out lyrics
Mr. Green Genes lyrics
We Can Shoot You lyrics
If We'd All Been Living In California... lyrics
Cruising For Burgers lyrics
Tengo Na Minchia Tanta lyrics
Road Ladies lyrics
Twenty Small Cigars lyrics
The Nancy & Mary Music lyrics
Would You Go All The Way? lyrics
Chunga's Revenge lyrics
The Clap lyrics
Rudy Wants To Buy Yez A Drink lyrics
Didja Get Any Onya? lyrics
Directly From My Heart To You lyrics
Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Sexually Aroused Gas Mask lyrics
Toads Of The Short Forest lyrics
Get A Little lyrics
Weasels Ripped My Flesh lyrics
I'm So Cute lyrics
Lonesome Cowboy Nando lyrics
Take Your Clothes Off When You Dance lyrics
The M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath lyrics
Tryin' To Grow A Chin lyrics
Semi-Fraudulent\Direct-From-Hollywood Overture lyrics
Mystery Roach lyrics
This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Prologue) lyrics
Tuna Fish Promenade lyrics
This Town Is A Sealed Tuna Sandwich (Reprise) lyrics
The Sealed Tuna Bolero lyrics
Lonesome Cowboy Burt lyrics
Would You Like A Snack? lyrics
Redneck Eats lyrics
Centerville lyrics
She Painted Up Her Face lyrics
Janet's Big Dance Number lyrics
Half A Dozen Provocative Squats lyrics
Shove It Right In lyrics
I'm Stealing The Towels lyrics
Does This Kind Of Life Look Interesting To You? lyrics
Daddy, Daddy, Daddy lyrics
Penis Dimension lyrics
What Will This Evening Bring Me This Morning lyrics
A Nun Suit Painted On Some Old Boxes lyrics
Magic Fingers lyrics
Dew On The Newts We Got lyrics
The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts lyrics
The Girl Wants To Fix Him Some Broth lyrics
The Girl's Dream lyrics
Little Green Scratchy Sweaters & Courduroy Ponce lyrics
Strictly Genteel (The Finale) lyrics
Little House I Used To Live In (in album Fillmore East ) lyrics
The Mud Shark lyrics
What Kind Of Girl Do You Think We Are? lyrics
Bwana Dik lyrics
Latex Solar Beef lyrics
Do You Like My New Car? lyrics
Happy Together lyrics
Lonesome Electric Turkey lyrics
Tears Began To Fall lyrics
Willie The Pimp lyrics
Billy The Mountain lyrics
Call Any Vegetable (in album Just Another Band From L.A.) lyrics
Eddie, Are You Kidding? lyrics
Magdalena lyrics
Dog Breath lyrics
Your Mouth lyrics
It Just Might Be A One-Shot Deal lyrics
Camarillo Brillo lyrics
Dirty Love lyrics
50\50 lyrics
For Calvin (And His Next Two Hitch-Hikers) lyrics
Don't Eat The Yellow Snow lyrics
Nanook Rubs It lyrics
St. Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast lyrics
Father O'Blivion lyrics
Cosmik Debris lyrics
Excentrifugal Forz lyrics
Apostrophe(') lyrics
Uncle Remus lyrics
Stink Foot lyrics
Penguin In Bondage lyrics
Pygmy Twylyte lyrics
Village Of The Sun lyrics
Cheepnis lyrics
Son Of Orange County lyrics
More Trouble Every Day lyrics
Debra Kadabra lyrics
Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy lyrics
Sam With The Showing Scalp Flat Top lyrics
Poofter's Froth Wyoming Plans Ahead lyrics
200 Years Old lyrics
Cucamonga lyrics
Man With The Woman Head lyrics
Muffin Man lyrics
Inca Roads lyrics
Can't Afford No Shoes lyrics
Sofa #1 lyrics
Po-Jama People lyrics
Evelyn, A Modified Dog lyrics
San Ber'dino lyrics
Andy lyrics
Sofa #2 lyrics
Wind Up Workin' In The Gas Station lyrics
Black Napkins lyrics
Ms. Pinky lyrics
Find Her Finer lyrics
Wonderful Wino lyrics
The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary lyrics
Lemme Take You To The Beach lyrics
Big Leg Emma lyrics
Honey, Don't You Want A Man Like Me? lyrics
I'm The Slime lyrics
I Promise Not To Come In Your Mouth lyrics
The Black Page Drum Solo\Black Page #1 lyrics
The Illinois Enema Bandit lyrics
The Torture Never Stops lyrics
Titties & Beer lyrics
A Little Green Rosetta lyrics
A Token Of My Extreme lyrics
Catholic Girls lyrics
Crew Slut lyrics
Dong Work For Yuda lyrics
He Used To Cut The Grass lyrics
Joe's Garage lyrics
Keep It Greasy lyrics
Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up lyrics
On The Bus lyrics
Packard Goose lyrics
Stick It Out lyrics
Sy Borg lyrics
The Central Scrutinizer lyrics
Watermelon In Easter Hay lyrics
Wet T-Shirt Nite lyrics
Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? lyrics
Duke Of Prunes lyrics
I Have Been In You lyrics
Flakes lyrics
Broken Hearts Are For Assholes lyrics
Flambay lyrics
Spider Of Destiny lyrics
Time Is Money lyrics
Sleep Dirt lyrics
Bamboozled By Love lyrics
Brown Shoes Don't Make It (in album Tinseltown Rebellion) lyrics
Dance Contest lyrics
Fine Girl lyrics
For The Young Sophisticate lyrics
I Ain't Got No Heart (in album Tinseltown Rebellion) lyrics
Panty Rap lyrics
Peaches III lyrics
Pick Me, I'm Clean lyrics
Tell Me You Love Me lyrics
The Blue Light lyrics
Tinseltown Rebellion lyrics
Teenage Wind lyrics
Harder Than Your Husband lyrics
Doreen lyrics
Goblin Girl lyrics
Theme From The 3rd Mvmt Of "Sinister Footwear" lyrics
Society Pages lyrics
I'm A Beautiful Guy lyrics
Beauty Knows No Pain lyrics
Charlie's Enormous Mouth lyrics
Any Downers? lyrics
Conehead lyrics
You Are What You Is lyrics
Mudd Club lyrics
The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing lyrics
Dumb All Over lyrics
Heavenly Bank Account lyrics
Suicide Chump lyrics
Jumbo Go Away lyrics
If Only She Woulda lyrics
Drafted Again lyrics
No Not Now lyrics
Valley Girl lyrics
I Come From Nowhere lyrics
Drowning Witch lyrics
Teen-Age Prostitute lyrics
Baby Snakes lyrics
Dinah Moe Humm lyrics
Jones Crusher lyrics
Punky's Whips lyrics
Titties 'N' Beer lyrics
Cocaine Decisions lyrics
The Dangerous Kitchen lyrics
Tink Walks Amok lyrics
The Radio Is Broken lyrics
The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou lyrics
Sex lyrics
The Jazz Discharge Party Hats lyrics
We Are Not Alone lyrics
Love Story lyrics
In France lyrics
Baby, Take Your Teeth Out lyrics
Marqueson's Chicken lyrics
Planet Of My Dreams lyrics
Be In My Video lyrics
Them Or Us lyrics
Frogs With Dirty Little Lips lyrics
Whippin' Post lyrics
Sharleena lyrics
The Mammy Nuns lyrics
Harry & Rhonda lyrics
Galoot Up-Date lyrics
The 'Torchum' Never Stops lyrics
That Evil Prince lyrics
You Are What You Is (in album Thing-fish) lyrics
Mudd Club (in album Thing-Fish) lyrics
The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (in album Thing-Fish) lyrics
Clowns On Velvet lyrics
Harry-As-A-Boy lyrics
He's So Gay lyrics
The Massive Improve'lence lyrics
Artificial Rhonda lyrics
The Crab-Grass Baby lyrics
The White Boy Troubles lyrics
No Not Now (in album Thing-fish) lyrics
Briefcase Boogie lyrics
Wistful With A Fist-Full lyrics
Drop Dead lyrics
Won Ton On lyrics
Porn Wars lyrics
We're Turning Again lyrics
I Don't Even Care lyrics
Yo Cats lyrics
Cock-Suckers' Ball lyrics
Hot-Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel lyrics
Tinsel-Town Rebellion lyrics
Trouble Every Day (in album Does Humor Belong In Music) lyrics
Whippin' Post (in album Does Humor Belong In Music) lyrics
WPLJ lyrics
Zoot Allures lyrics
Elvis Has Just Left The Building lyrics
Planet Of The Baritone Women lyrics
Any Kind Of Pain lyrics
Dickie's Such An Asshole lyrics
When The Lie's So Big lyrics
Rhymin' Man lyrics
Promiscuous lyrics
The Untouchables lyrics
Why Don't You Like Me? lyrics
Bacon Fat lyrics
Murder By Numbers lyrics
Jezebel Boy lyrics
Outside Now (in album Broadway The Hard Way) lyrics
Hot Plate Heaven At The Green Hotel lyrics
What Kind Of Girl? lyrics
Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk lyrics
Approximate lyrics
Are You Upset? lyrics
Brown Moses lyrics
Carolina Hard-Core Ecstasy (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 4) lyrics
Church Chat lyrics
Disco Boy lyrics
Florentine Pogen lyrics
Johnny Darling lyrics
Let's Move To Cleveland lyrics
Little Girl Of Mine lyrics
Little Rubber Girl lyrics
Love Of My Life lyrics
Mary Lou lyrics
Montana lyrics
No, No Cherry lyrics
Outside Now lyrics
My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 4) lyrics
Smell My Beard lyrics
Stevie's Spanking lyrics
Stick Together lyrics
Take Me Out To The Ball Game lyrics
Teen-Age Wind lyrics
The Black Page lyrics
The Booger Man lyrics
The Closer You Are lyrics
The Evil Prince lyrics
The Man From Utopia lyrics
The Torture Never Stops (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 4) lyrics
Tiny Sick Tears lyrics
Truck Driver Divorce lyrics
Willie The Pimp (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 4) lyrics
You Call That Music? lyrics
Advance Romance lyrics
A Game Of Cards lyrics
A Pound For A Brown (On The Bus) lyrics
Baked-Bean Boogie lyrics
Charles Ives lyrics
Chocolate Halvah lyrics
City Of Tiny Lites (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 5) lyrics
Dancin' Fool lyrics
Doreen (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 5) lyrics
Easy Meat lyrics
F.Z.\JCB Drum Duet lyrics
Geneva Farewell lyrics
German Lunch lyrics
Here Lies Love lyrics
Meow lyrics
JCB & Kansas On The Bus #1 lyrics
JCB & Kansas On The Bus #2 lyrics
Moggio lyrics
Mozart Ballet - Piano Sonata in B flat lyrics
My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama lyrics
My Head? lyrics
No Waiting For The Peanuts To Dissolve lyrics
Piano\Drum Duet lyrics
Proto-Minimalism lyrics
Return Of The Hunch-Back Duke lyrics
Right There lyrics
Run Home Slow: Main Title Theme lyrics
Shall We Take Ourselves Seriously? lyrics
The Dead Girls Of London lyrics
The Downtown Talent Scout lyrics
The Little March lyrics
Trouble Every Day (in album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore vol 5) lyrics
Underground Freak-Out Music lyrics
What's New In Baltimore? lyrics
Where's Our Equipment? lyrics
Where Is Johnny Velvet? lyrics
Agency Man lyrics
Epilogue lyrics
Harry, You're A Beast lyrics
Help, I'm A Rock lyrics
Holding The Group Back lyrics
Holiday In Berlin lyrics
King Kong lyrics
Let's Make The Water Turn Black lyrics
Like It Or Not lyrics
Oh No lyrics
Progress? lyrics
Prologue lyrics
Sleeping In A Jar lyrics
The Jimmy Carl Black Philosophy Lesson lyrics
The Orange County Lumber Truck lyrics
Transylvania Boogie lyrics
The Rejected Mexican Pope Leaves The Stage lyrics
Undaunted, The Band Plays On lyrics
This Ain't CNN lyrics
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